I came across two quotes on Faith-suffering that hit its mark in my heart for my present circumstances…not knowing where I fit into this whole big place called life.
Our Lord does not promise to change life for us; He does not promise to remove difficulties and trials and problems and tribulations; He does not say that He is going to cut out all the thorns and leave the roses with their wonderful perfume. No; He faces life realistically, and tells us that these are things to which the flesh is heir, and which are bound to come. But He assures us that we can so know Him that, whatever happens, we need never be frightened, we need never be alarmed.
D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones
Studies in the Sermon on the Mount, © Lloyd-Jones,1959-1960, p. 196.
If only for a moment, take your eyes off yourself and your circumstances, off the ways of this world and all rival claimants, and look at who God is. Ponder His mighty deeds. This isn’t to say your soul or circumstances aren’t important. It simply means that you are in the hands of an omnipotent God whose ability to act on your behalf is equaled only by His passionate affection for you as His child, whose strength is without end and whose sovereignty covers the expanse of the heavens. God’s desire isn’t to minimize your life and struggles and disappointments. His intent is for you to gain hope, knowing that nothing can wrench you from the loving arms of a God like this!
One Thing, Christian Focus, © Enjoying God Ministries, 2004, p.100. www.enjoyinggodministries.com.
In my arrogance and immaturity, I once felt I knew just how I fit into this ‘world’. I went along day to day doing what I thought was best for that day. I took my quiet time with Jesus and went about my merry little way to accomplish ‘MY list’. There were days that were more challenging and there were life happenings that slipped their way into my days. But, I still had MY list and kept revamping and updating it to keep my task on the path I had intended.
Then once glorious day, my husband and I were blessed with an opportunity to buy a farmette out in God’s countryside. We were removed from the hustle and bustle of the distractions of the city. We even gave up our cell phones. We were placed right smack center out in the middle of God’s land. Trees, flowers, grasses, creek, and two small fields are part of our homestead. No matter what direction we intend to go, we need to drive, the minimum being about 10 miles away and calls are basically long distance. My husband was commuting to his job nearly 75 miles away.
As time began to pass, little subtle changes began to peak through. Changes that seemed to be very unfamiliar to me. You know how when bloops or bleeps appear on the radar that cause you to take a second look and check to see if everything is ok…you may have encountered a similar experience in the past the helps you to compare and help you navigate through the upcoming turbulence. Being a city girl all my life, I was not familiar at all with the surroundings and the tasks that go along with living on a small farm and having animals. I have no training in the basic farm life and the simple chores and tasks that accompany the everyday life. My training lies in getting up in the morning and getting ready to go to a job, doing the job and then coming home all within the ‘city limits’. No longer living in the city, my job changed and the job description for my new position was nowhere to be found. Watching “Little House on the Prairie” does not qualify me to be a farmer’s wife! MY list not only needed a major revamping it needed a whole new makeover! Where do I start?
I know how to cook, clean and do simple household tasks. There is a whole other side to living out in the country. My job includes caring for the animals, caring for the land, and caring for whatever else comes along. After moving out here, I realized I had only been ‘playing house’ in the city. My limited training had not prepared me for the deep level of participation in the life on a small farm. As much as I am ashamed to admit it, I have not given my full attention and commitment to our farm. My husband’s words ring loud and echo through my head, “What are you here for just as a temporary? This is where our life is.”
This realization is what has caused me to flounder like a fish out of water. I do not know what I am supposed to do or how to do most of it. I have a vague idea but I am swallowed up by my laziness to participate and my lack of desire to learn. And it has not helped with my husband, God bless him, noticing it and making me accountable to it. God has blessed me with a most loving husband. He is always so willing to share his life, his experiences and his love with me. AND, I have held back on more than one occasion to do the same. This alone has caused my husband much aggravation.
That is my heart’s desire is to become a better helper suitable for my husband and glorify Jesus. The enormity of the information that lies before to learn weighs heavily on my heart. Not to mention the added wondering of when one of us or both us will find a job as we are both unemployed. I had not anticipated that this would go on as long as it has, about 8 months. There in lies the dilemma, it comes back to that “I, me, my and mine” thing which is always in the way of what Jesus would have me do and accomplish for His sake.
When I happened upon the above quotes, they reassured me of the God’s promise:
The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds’ feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]! For the Chief Musician; with my stringed instruments. ~Habakkuk 3:19 The Amplified Bible~
I am ever grateful for these words. I have fumbled around in fear of failing of becoming the wife and helper suitable for my husband. I have worried that would let Jesus down and let my husband down. Oh how my heart as ached with silly fear of not being a perfect wife. And then I also remember:
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. ~2 Timothy 1:7 KJV~